Some jokes

The Pope

The Pope is traveling by limo across America to make appearances.
One day he sees that his driver is taking him on an old dirt highway and the area is fairly desolate. He asks his driver, "You know, I've always had a chauffeur. I bet it's fun to drive. Would you mind if I gave it a try?"
The driver is a bit suprised, but agrees. After all, he is the Pope. The driver gets in the back of the limosine and lets the Pope take the wheel. The Pope is having such a good time that he speeds up. As he goes around a bend, a cop clocks him speeding and pulls him over. The officer walks to the window and upon seeing who it is, radios headquarters.
Cop: "I just pulled over a car for speeding, but it's someone special.
Should I give him a ticket?"
H.Q.: " Is it the governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
H.Q.: "The President?!?"
Cop: "Bigger."
H.Q.: "Damn! Who's bigger than the president?!?"
Cop: "I don't know, but he's got the Pope as a chauffeur!"

Husband and wife

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."

Marriage

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

Three men

There were three stranded men walking down a sandy beach on a deserted island. They walk a little ways and find a magic lamp. So they decide since they are stranded that they might as well rub it. After they rub it a genie pops out and says each one has one wish.
The first man wishes he was at home having fun with his wife. POOF, he's gone
The second man wishes that he was at his favorite strip club, drinking a beer with his friends. POOF, he's gone.
The third man doesn't know what to do, so he thinks for a minute and says, "hmm, you know I really wish those two were back here to help me make my decision."

Jacob and Rebecca

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

Posted by: Mateo Consagra